1) Now, I like a good Washington sex scandal as much as the next guy, but a bored, closeted, obviously retarded Republican Congressman texting his male teenage pages ("get a ruler and measure it for me"), as juicy as it is, should not eclipse new revelations about the administration's deceptions on Iraq. And by the way, everyone says it's seven-and-a-half inches (they're measuring from the base of the balls—that's the oldest trick in the book, boys).

(It's not the GOP that's responsible, either, but a cabal of homos with their insidious agenda who've infiltrated the GOP.  The GOP let the Log Cabin Cabal bully its way to the top because they were afraid if they said anything against the bullies they'd be labeled homophobic, according to the Family Research Council.  They obviously didn't want to jeopardize their hard-earned image as the party of tolerance and equality that welcomes people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, which is what the GOP is known for, right?)

Since we're on the topic, let's purge:
 
2) Bored Republican Congressmen with nothing better to do than text-message bored teenage pages.

3) And House Speaker Hastert should go, too.  I mean, even the New Hampshire Union Leader thinks so.

Boredom was a major theme last week.  Nothing like senseless crimes committed by:
 
4) Bored suburban teens with nothing better to do than cause $100,000 in damage to public parks, and 

5) Bored suburban minister's wives with nothing better to do than call in bomb threats to their sons' schools, and death-threats on their own sons!  Yikes!

6) Emotional pornography masquerading as news. 

7) Squagels. 

8) Henry Kissinger.

9) The Doctor Phil House. Sometimes divorce really is the answer.

10) The politics of fear, continued.