In case you missed it, the first volley in this Year's Christmas Wars was fired a little over a week ago, when troglodytical brothers Robert and Kevin Marley of Lynnfield began grunting and gesticulating threateningly at Simon Malls because of the latter's refusal to replace "Happy Holidays" with "Merry Christmas" on mall signage.   

While Simon Malls seemed not to take notice of the brothers' campaign, being too busy plotting the next move in the Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy, retail giant Wal-Mart, under pressure from The American Family Association and The Catholic League, announced "We're not afraid to use the term 'Merry Christmas.' We'll use it early, and we'll use it often."  Hear that, um, Godless Liberal Wal-Mart shoppers?  Wal-Mart's not afraid of you, or your army of abortionistic lawyers, activist judges, and "Happy Holidays"-wishing heathen!  So there!

But the biggest battle so far this year, without a doubt, is Toys For Tots versus Talking Jesus Doll (in all his lily-white-fleshed, pale-blue-eyed glory):

(He looks like Bob Seger to me, but whatever.)

What kind of heartless heathen would deprive needy tots of this cool, exciting Bible-verse-bloviating Jesus Doll, clearly much more fun than a teddy bear or a toy fire truck?  Why, it's the U.S. Marine Corps!  Ouch!  Whatever happened to "Onward Christian Soldiers"? 

Well, as CNN.com reports, Bill Grein, vice president of Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, says toys are donated to kids based on financial need and "we don't know anything about their background, their religious affiliations.... We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family." 

But wasn't that the point?

At any rate, it's not looking good for "Merry Christmas."  The "Merry Christmas" Crusaders have launched three incursions so far this year, won one, lost two (ignored by the Jews, bitch-slapped by the Marines).  But it ain't over till the fat man sings!