As local TV reporters go, Channel 4's David Robichaud's not bad.  But, Robi, those sculpted eyebrows have got to go.  Seriously. 

There's nothing wrong with a trimming so they don't get out of hand—I mean, not everyone can carry off the Andy Rooney look—but these things look like pasties.  They've gone beyond distracting to be downright disturbing.  And the thing is, if you managed them more subtly, no one would notice them at all.  They would blend nicely with the medley of features on your otherwise inoffensive face.

Now, I'm no fashionista, Lord knows, but I can't abide excessive eyebrow waxing.  For a couple of reasons.  First of all, I happen to think we're born with the eyebrows we deserve.  Second, YOU don't have to look at them, the rest of us do.  When you wax them disturbingly, we have no choice but to stare at them in horror.  That's not fair to us—your fellow passengers on the T, patrons of restaurants you go to, gym bunnies at your gym, Channel 4 viewers who have done nothing to you to deserve such treatment from you.

If you must trim, boys, keep this in mind:  never—even the Fab Five say this—never wax the underside of your eyebrows.  Unless you're going for the Joan Crawford look:


There are larger questions in grooming, of course, that I'm not going to get into in-depth here.  Issues of social and personal identity, authenticity and affectation, gender-identification, sexuality, and runaway memes, to mention just a few. 

All I want to say right now to you, David Robichaud, man to man, is this: for the love of all that's manly, call off your eyebrow people! 

You want to see an example of proper male eyebrow maintenance?  Look at Colin Farrell, who would be nothing—NOTHING—without those eyebrows:


The man has gorgeous eyebrows.  They're so gorgeous you just want to eat them, don't you?  I do, and I don't even like Colin Farrell. 

So if you're doing it for us, Robi, don't.  I mean how bad could going au naturel be?


Oh.

Er, never mind.  Carry on.