My internet's been a little sketchy here so far, but I've got a desk-full of work to get to, and it won't wait. So what's a guy whose dictionary.com window is never closed to do? Well, haul out his Compact Unabridged OED, I guess.

"Compact" is relative, of course. Considering that the "full-size" version is 22,000 pages in twenty volumes, takes up four feet of shelf space, and weighs about 150 pounds, this handy little volume measures a mere 18 x 11 x 3.6 inches and weighs about five pounds. It clocks in at 2,416 pages. But keep in mind: each page consists of nine pages of the full-size OED. Never fear, it comes with a nifty little "reading glass."

I have lugged this thing across the globe, twice, as more a matter of pride than a practical measure. But it's a little excessive for just a quick looksee when you need to be sure about a word. Unfortunately, I don't have anything between this behemoth and dictionary.com at the moment.

There is something sacred about the OED, though, and when you have it there in front of you, with your magnifying glass at the ready, searching for an elusive word, you feel connected to the language in a way you don't when you're on the web. Something about the heft, and the seeming permanence of it.

Of course, the language as we know it is anything but. It is ephemeral, and in five hundred years no one except students of esoterica will understand a word of it. I don't even understand half of what's said to me nowadays, and I know when I speak to others they get about that much, too. We nod and smile and pretend to get it. It's usually enough.

Of course, language isn't holy. It's the extent to which we go to satisfy the taxonomic urge that is our species' hallmark that is really truly impressive. We do like our lists. In alphabetical order, collated, and bound, if possible. We have opposable thumbs so we can turn pages, after all (you can type without your thumbs, you know).

But language is useful, too, in and of itself, of course, although you'd be surprised how much you can accomplish with a glance, a grunt, or a gesture.