WASHINGTON - In a shocking turn of events this afternoon, General David Petraeus' pants burst into flame as he addressed Congress on the state of affairs in Iraq. Oddly enough, while smoke filled the chamber, neither Petraeus nor Members of Congress acknowledged that the General's pants were clearly on fire.

According to eyewitness sources and live video of the testimony, Petraeus' pants cuffs started to smolder as he told Congress that "I believe that we will be able to reduce our forces to the pre-surge level ... by next summer without jeopardizing the security gains we have fought so hard to achieve."

But it was not until he reported that the so-called "Surge" had met its military objectives "in large measure," that the cuffs of his pants burst into flame. The flames rapidly spread as he claimed, "I wrote this testimony myself. It has not been cleared by nor shared with anyone in the Pentagon, the White House or the Congress."

They had reached the crotch, according to a photographer for the AP who was standing behind the General trying not to appear alarmed, when he claimed " the level of security incidents has declined in eight of the past 12 weeks, with the level of incidents in the past two weeks the lowest since June of 2006."

"I swear the guy's got fire-proof underwear," a Reuter's photographer said as he watched the flames devour what remained of Petraeus' pants. "But what do they make military uniforms out of? Rayon?"

When a member of the audience began shouting "Look! His pants are on fire! Liar, liar, pants on fire!" he was promptly removed from the chamber by House Security and placed in a small cell with the little boy who keeps pointing out that the emperor has no clothes.

With order restored, presiding legislator Ike Skelton (D-MO), smiled at Petraeus.

"I'm so sorry, General," he said. "I couldn't hear you over that insufferable caterwauling. Please continue. This is ever so interesting."

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