I've been talking a lot about all the advantages of "working from home," but one I haven't mentioned yet is all the new friends you make.  I know, it seems strange.  You'd think, working from home that you wouldn't make any new friends.  You don't have any cubicle buddies, and there's no water cooler to stand around discussing last night's Dancing With The Stars or Intervention! episode.

But there are plenty of new friends to make.  The surly postman, who clearly resents that I'm too lazy to drop my Netflix videos in the box down the block, the UPS guy who always asks my last name and then never waits for me to spell it (and my signature is indecipherable), the group home residents across the street who stare forlornly from the porch smoking butts, and of course, the local Jehovah's Witnesses!

Oh, I know what you're thinking.  Those Jehovah's Witnesses aren't really your friends!  They're only racking up points so they can get into Heaven, or wherever it is they think they want to go (be careful what you wish for, is all I can say).  You're thinking: you are to them what a fresh virgin of noble birth was to Don Juan!  Just another notch on their Bible belt! They force their way in, promising they won't take too much of your time, and then they won't leave until they've accomplished their purpose.  It's nothing short of religious rape.  That's what you're thinking, right?

But my soul is neither virgin nor noble.  Spiritually speaking I'm a filthy whore.  And at this point I might consider selling my old, used-up, slutty soul for a Plane ticket to somewhere South.  Could it get any colder? 

Yes, I will grant you: Jehovah's Witnesses can be tedious.  It's true.  But so can all my other friends.  I thought that was the definition of a friend.  Someone you can be tedious with who can be tedious with you. 

Plus, they've got this great little magazine, Awake! that's The Jazz! It used to be totally ho-hum...


...but ever since Tina Brown took over, it's gotten much more interesting.  The November cover borrowed a page from the Mormon playbook, and featured an innocent-looking, clean-cut blond, flashing his wedding ring, feasting his big, blue eyes on the Bible...


I'll bet he's reading The Song of Solomon. "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."  The Bible is hot.

So I went ahead and bought a subscription.  And, boy, am I glad I did.  Because I just got the December issue, and it's a doozy!...