The Sunday Globe is offering readers tips to napping. Of course, it's in honor of Father's Day, and I can say, from my experience, that fathers do seem to nap more than mothers.  Maybe they just do it more flagrantly.  For his part, my dad could be found of a Summer Sunday afternoon, in front of the TV, the game on, the Indianapolis Star tented on his belly, snoring to beat the band.  As you can see, I learned napping from a pro.

Well, now science is proving what we knew all along: "a nap of 60 minutes improves alertness for up to ten hours."  My three hour naps keep me sharp for the next thirty!  I have so much surplus acuity at this point, I'll be more alert twenty years after I die than most people are in the prime of life! HA!


Truth is, those of us who've been in on this from the beginning (and my father's Southern Italian roots argue for generations of napsters) don't do it with any thought of enhanced productivity.  We don't need all those Anglo-Saxon protestant work-ethic rationalizations for something so obvious. 

And we don't need to make elaborate arrangements and buy a bevy of nap-products to maximize outcomes.  Headphones and special pillows and binkies and ergonomic nap-mats and safe-rooms painted moss and sage.  Give me a surface to lay my head — a shoulder, chest, or thigh, preferably, but a desk top, a dinner plate, or the curb will do just fine — and I'm off.  You want to challenge me to a nap?  I will meet you anywhere, any time, under any conditions. 

I can totally see a cottage industry in the making here, though.  There seem to be a lot of people who need instruction manuals, product catalogs, and coaches for even the simplest of tasks.  "I don't know how to use a spoon!  I need a life coach!"  And then you've got these ponces who have to gear-up for every little thing. 

Going to the corner convenience store for a microwave burrito at 4 a.m.? Should I wear my Louis Garneau AirGels or my Pearl Izumi Slice UltraSensor Bike Shorts? With my Arcteryx Brim Beanie or my LAS Haxial helmet? Oh, and better strap on my Black Diamond Anarchist 32L AvaLung daypack (in case I get caught in an avy on the way).  Ipod Classic or nano?  Should I listen to No Age, Spiritualized, or Black Kids? 

God knows what kind of nap gear they'll come up with, but, trust me, the nap coaches are on their way.  In fact, I'm looking into licensure myself.