It's been a hard week so far for Missed Connections out there in Metro Boston. There was a major misunderstanding on the Orange Line yesterday...

MICHAEL PHELPS - m4m - 35 (Orange Line)

Dude, sorry if I offended you on the train this morning. I was just surprised at first. It was meant as a compliment. Hope you have a good day.

It's probably better than being told incessantly that you look like House, which is what I get from waitresses on a more or less daily basis.  But as sexy as it is to have single-handedly won more gold medals at the last Olympics than three-quarters of the nations competing, and more than Panama, Chile, Israel, Togo, Venezuela and Iceland combined, he's not everyone's Adonis...


But who of us is?  Really.

Speaking of look-alikes...

Michael Buble look alike - m4m - 27 (Room 7)

Saw you at the Shovel Handle Inn. Wanted to mount you like a moose right then and there. Next time lets move the furniture and crochet.

Before I read that one, I could hardly imagine a moose mounting Michael Buble. I'll admit I have pictured a Jack Russel terrier humping his leg, but that's as far as I'd gotten with that on my own. 

In the "could you be a little less specific?" department...

Peets coffee - m4m - 24 (coolidge corner)

came in around 8pm...you were reading a book. email me if you get this.

You might as well say, "walked into a restaurant and saw you eating" or "you were working out at the gym yesterday.  hit me back if you get this."  I understand that sometimes you just have to get it out there.  Even if no one else gets it.

There are those who undermine themselves in other ways...

#66 Bus to Dudley - Tuesday Night 10:30ish - m4m

You were a devastatingly cute guy sitting across from me on the #66 bus from Harvard Ave to Dudley Station. You got off in front of Dara's Liquors. Grey sweatshirt, red tee underneath, jeans. I was the goofy looking character with the mohawk.

Never mind the seemingly somewhat oxymoronic "devastatingly cute," if you can actually identify yourself as "the goofy looking character with the mohawk" — if you tend to think of yourself as a "character" at all I'd say you're carrying around a significant handicap when it comes to making those connections you're currently missing.  We all know the type of character who refers to himself as "such a character," don't we?  What is this, a cartoon?  Do you live in a cartoon? 

Granted, sometimes the lines are blurred...

"Wild Guy" Channel 7 News - m4m

Ever since I saw you on Channel 7 news during the JP Licks robbery story I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Not only were your comments insightful but they spoke directly to me. We should get together sometime and talk, or sit in silence if you'd like....

...between TV and reality, self and other, fondness and fatal attraction....

Running is not an option anymore - m4m

We both know whats going on here.You think what you have is not what it seems.I want you to know that no matter how long it takes I'm going to be waiting for you.You know in your heart you can have everything you ever wanted out of life with me.Your just scared to let it happen because of the fears you have of being alone.Being together with someone is the most difficult thing in the world.It takes a lot of hard work,But it is also the most beautiful part of life as well.I know in your heart you want to come back but your scared.I'm here to tell you that you will never have to live in fear being with me.You will always be loved and you will be shown love every minute of the day.Dare to dream my sweet prince dare to dream.

All I can say is: RUN! 

There's certainly room among the Missed Connections for harmless stalkers, fabulists giving voice to their fantasies.  But why sully them with inconvenient truths?...

To the cousins in the queen bed in room 5/6 - m4m - 27 (Jackson, NH)

How I would have loved to join in, even though one of you is a nasty smokers.

Sometimes truth trumps charm, especially in descriptions of the beloved...

Abington Super Stop and Shop - m4m - 29 (Abington)

Hey...You work at the Super Stop and Shop by Target in Abington...you have a shaved head not completely bald, but really short..you use to work (or at least i use to see you more) more, but now i seem to only see you like once a week and maybe on Sundays...

"Not completely bald, but really short": very flattering.  The "but" there (rather than an "and") is titillating, though, don't you think?

Sometimes one should consider one's description of oneself more carefully if one wants to get what one is missing...

the one with the cute face - m4m - 19 (huntington ave)

you were with your friends at the massart cafeteria. I was the one in the muscle shirt eating parfait. I saw you check me out and we made eye contact. You have sandy brown hair, and are HOT! two of your friends had pinstripe hats and you were going to town on a piece of pizza. I couldnt help but notice the way you made eye contact with me when you slid that greasy slice between your lips.

OK, granted this one came from AssMart, but "I was the one in the muscle shirt eating parfait"?  Really?  In public??  And sliding a "greasy slice" between your lips?  Now there's an unfortunate metaphor.

To make up for that artless image, I leave you with a found haiku...

RUNNER in JP on PERKINS ST - m4m (JAMAICA PLAIN)

You were running, shorts,
down Perkins st, we glanced at
each other.  Coffee?