Remember: you heard it here first.  The evil queens at The Gay Agenda never give me credit for anything — and all because I refuse to wax my eyebrows and have repeatedly and publicly condemned manscaping as an unforgivable evil. 

Nonetheless, they're obviously still reading my blog, as evidenced by this. 

Of course, they're still being a little vindictive.  They know I don't go into the office on Wednesdays so I, for one, can't "call in gay" to work. 

And then, instead of a big, orgiasstastic gaystravaganza, they've decided we all have to go out in our hairshirts with our cat o' nine tails (or nun's habits and heels if you're feeling glamorous) and do some public penance for our gay sins.  They're calling it "volunteer work".  You see, anything Mormans can do, we can do better! 

So even though I can't call in gay, I plan to spank some very naughty orphans for my penance.  Tough love, you know.  And it's volunteer if I don't take any money for it, right?