40: Lessons
Today being my fortieth birthday, believe it or not (I choose not to), I got to reflecting on the life lessons, little observations, and big revelations of forty years on earth. I'm happy to share them with you.
Lessons (in the order in which they appeared)
1. It's OK to cry. 2. You can only cry so much.
3. Screaming doesn't help.
4. Size matters.
5. Don't trust anyone over the age of 5.
6. Reading! Yay!
7. Don't play with your food.
8. Curious fact: cats and other people die.
9. Love and pain are inextricably entwined.
10. Violence is a species of impotence.
11. Loneliness is next to godliness.
12. Masturbation! Yay!
13. You can do it ten times a day and it never gets old!
14. Popularity is overrated, except for...
15. Blowjobs! Yay!
16. Question authority. If possible while getting blowjobs.
17. Oh, wait, you can give 'em too? Yay!
18. Nothing is what it appears to be.
19. Learn to spell. There is no greater insult than "[sic]".
20. There are many subtle dangers in elevating your ignorance to a universal principle.
21. Getting fucked-up doesn't feel any different at 21 than it did at 15. Hmph.
22. Love is the religion, but lust is the god.
23. Don't sleep with people you're not attracted to, and if you do don't do it more than once or twice. And make sure they pay for drinks.
24. Don't commit to anyone until you've seen the inside of their medicine cabinet, and their sock and underwear drawer. And don't forget to check under the bed, too.
25. Anonymous sex is simply a substitute for anonymous love.
26. Don't confuse politics, a necessary evil, with something interesting.
27. Other people don't just disappear when you leave the room.
28. It's better not to be brilliant.
29. It's never like in the movies.
30. Size still matters.
31. Everything is exactly what it appears to be.
32. The truth is a lot less hassle in the end.
33. Never pay full price. Never pay for porn. Only pay for sex if he seems like a nice guy.
34. You don't have to reinvent the wheel every day.
35. There's a lot of you you could do without.
36. Death has your street address, phone number, and email. Death also knows a lot of weird trivial facts about you, like your shoe size, brand of toothpaste, and the name of your first pet. Don't ask me why.
37. Yep, size still matters.
38. Life is one long self-fulfilling prophecy.
39. Beauty is real.
Happy Birthday!!!
Love the list... :-)
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
this one ruins nearly all my relationships-
29. It's never like in the movies.
When will i learn?
Have a great day!
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Thanks for the birthday wishes guys!
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Avoid heartburn by removing the birthday candles from your cake before eating it. As for gray pubes, you can only avoid having them by shaving, but you already knew that.
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Happy Birthday, Mike! and, all the dramatics about turning 40 aside, let the voice of maturity and experience assure you that it just gets better if--as I'm sure you do--you keep your body in good shape and your mind youthful and sharp.
Loved the list--and yes, size matters, or is at least a great door opener. Saturday afternoon I heard "Gee, that the biggest I've had in MONTHS." The rest of the afternoon just flew.
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