Apparently the racy new Darwin blockbuster Creation is having trouble finding a US distributor.  At least according to its producer, Jeremy Thomas, who claims the subject matter — Darwin's struggle to reconcile faith and science in his own life after the death of his daughter Annie — is proving too grown-up for American audiences, 25% of whom, if you believe in Gallup, don't believe in evolution.

I wish you could make things untrue just by not believing them, don't you?  Because then I just wouldn't believe that there's that magic wackadoo quarter of the population that always seems to be running the country, even when they've been politically repudiated.  I mean, why are these people, of all people, dictating what Americans see at the cinema?

I have to admit I'm a little skeptical the wingnut minority is as culturally influential as Jeremy Thomas suggests.  In fact, I suspect this "story" might just be a slightly cynical publicity stunt.  But whatever the case, if the Christianist cineastes want to get their knickers in a twist over something, Darwin's soul-searching on the question of God isn't it. 

I'm sure Creation is anything but controversial — if anything, I imagine it will err on the side of earnest introspection — and that should it get a US distribution deal because of all the current buzz about it not getting one, hardly anyone will go to see it.  I mean, it looks rather talkie to me.  Is Annie kidnapped by pirates on the high seas, and rescued  by Special Ops?  Who plays Darwin anyway?  Will Smith?  Johnny Depp?  No?  Paul Bettany, eh?  Star of Secret Life of Bees, huh?  I think it's safe to say we're going straight to video here.

The movie they should have made if they wanted a smash hit in the US is the story of Darwin's life-long obsession with barnacles, which have the longest penises in the animal kingdom in proportion to their body length: 40 times bigger than their bodies!  Which might be a tad excessive. And they're hermaphroditic to boot!  Talk about kink.

But instead we get wah wah wah! Are you there, God? it's me, Charlie!  It's obvious the real problem here is how boring everything has to be to appease incurious and willfully stupid people.  It makes you wonder what evolutionary advantage ignorance confers.  The best argument against evolution is actually the continued existence of those who violently "disagree" with it. 

Even this movie, in trying to be topical, seems to take as its departure a moot point.  Whether Darwin believed in God or not doesn't change the fact of natural selection.  In fact, whether God exists or not doesn't change the fact of natural selection — and vice-versa.  I'm sure not gonna pay twelve bucks to watch Paul Bettany clutch his locks and agonize over the existence of God.  I mean, who cares?  What difference does it make? 

Bring on the barnacles!