I love my aunt — The Hurricane, I call her — and I know she means well when she forwards me those chain-emails which while meant to be inspirational always have a kind of passive-aggressive (and usually some bizarre anti-immigrant) twist. 

She used to send me several a day, but when I never answered in kind she complained that I didn't appreciate the work that goes into forwarding inspirational emails.  She assured me she doesn't just mindlessly send along anything and everything sent along to her — she actually vets them for me. 

I can only imagine the man-hours it takes her to sort through them and decide who on her contact list is going to get what. God bless her.  It's a full-time job.

Well, today's inspirational email contained words of wisdom allegedly uttered by Bill Gates in recent — and I stress recent — comments to high school students.  "Love him or hate him," the email opens, "he sure hits the nail on the head with this list!"

Here's the set-up: "Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world."

I was like, OK, I'm game.  Let's hear 'em.

Well, it started out kind of needlessly nasty, coming from a bazillionaire, I thought ("Rule #1: Life is not fair - get used to it!"), but things got really fishy around Rule #3: "You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both."

Whoa.  No car phone?  That's harsh.  And so... 1996. 

Now, I know Gates has been out of the technology game for a while, but these recent comments would lead me to believe he's either still driving a very old car, or he's in total denial about the invention of the iphone.  Or it could be that the list was neither recent, nor from a speech by Bill Gates.

So clickity-clack, I googled it (sorry Bill — I don't "bing").  And there it was under Urban Legends:

The text itself [is] a pared-down version of an op-ed piece that appeared in the San Diego Union-Tribune on September 19, 1996. It was written by Charles J. Sykes, best known as the author of "Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why AmericanChildren Feel Good about Themselves, but Can't Read, Write, or Add." Drastically edited by person(s) unknown, it began making the email rounds under Bill Gates' name in February 2000...

Wow, I'm sure out of the chain-mail loop. 

According to the 2005 entry at about.com the email was updated in 2003, when the salary in #3 was adjusted for inflation — from $40,000 to $60,000.  It's probably time for another update, people.  You might start with "don't expect to make $20,000 a year right out of college." 

And Bill Who?  You want people to believe this email? How about Tony Hawk or Miley Cyrus?  I mean, please: can we get some real role models here?