November is a busy-ass month, in case you haven't noticed.  Aside from a slew of major holidays and the biggest shopping day of the year, I'm supposed to write a novel, become a vegan, grow a porn stache, be aware of diabetes, and fall in love with peanut butter all over again — all in one month!  Thank God it's not National Masturbation Month, too, or I'd never get any of it done!  I mean, seriously.  In addition to all that, it's AARP Driver Safety Month (otherwise known as We Know It's Confusing But The Brake Is On The Left Month), Military Family and Warrior Care Month, Coal Appreciation Month, Reparations Education Month, Rockaholics-, Kitchen-worker-, and Texas Hunter-Appreciation Month, not to mention a great month for boxing!



It's almost too much to pack into a meager thirty days.  And, admit it: getting it all in can be a drag.  Thank Goodness there's National Elevator/Escalator Safety Awareness Week to liven things up!  I'm sure everyone has been going to the Elevator/Escalator Safety Parties that have been going on all over the city over the past week.  Right?  I know I have.  If it were Stairs Awareness Week I'd be totally spent.  Because the whole city's been one big nonstop Elevator/Escalator Dance Party all week.  You can't go anywhere where there's an elevator or escalator without spontaneous elevator celebrations and high-fiving breaking out.  Even where there aren't any elevators or escalators people are doing the escalator dance.  It's insane.

But that's nothing.  I hear tomorrow, to cap off a week of total elevator/escalator safety insanity, there's gonna be a huge zombie-versus-vampire escalator flash mob at Porter, the most escalatoricious (or escalatorocious, depending on your feelings) subway stop in the whole MBTA system.  

Vampires are advised to leave their capes at home, as they are a significant escalator risk.