A Friend of the Blog sent me a link to the Man Crunch video that's been making its way around the web.  Obviously based on an old Mad TV skit, the commercial has gone viral, mainly for being rejected by CBS while the Tim Tebow "don't abort me!" ad is set to run on Super Bowl Sunday. 



In a strange twist of fate no unaborted fetus could ever have anticipated, the only reason any of us has heard of the gay dating site Man Crunch is because Tim Tebow's mother decided not to abort him.  It's almost like Tebow was born to promote gay dating on the DL.   I hope he's getting some kind of kickback.  Free blowjobs.  Something.


Personally, I want to say that I'm happy that Tim Tebow was not aborted.  But, you know, it's been twenty years.  I mean, how long can you go around defining yourself by your non-aborted status?  First of all, hello Mr. Obvious.  Maybe it's time to move on?  

Mama Tebow clearly made the right choice.  I'm a thigh man, see. 


And I love my bit of beefcake on a Sunday afternoon just as much as the next guy...


I would never abort a guy like this either. 

The problem is:  for every one fetus that wasn't aborted that turns out to be Tim Tebow there are countless  others that unfortunately don't.  Could there be some sort of in utero QB-DNA test?  I mean, had the likes of Christopher Gribble, Steven Spader, Quinn Glover, and William Marks — none of whom is Tim Tebow — been diagnosed in the womb, and properly disposed of in the first place, Kimberly Lynn Cates, whom they hacked to death with a machete on a lark, would still be alive today.

Unfortunately there is no way, currently, to test for future quarterback potential in the womb.  And until there is a Tebow Test, it would be dicey to just abort them all, right?  But let's be honest here: the alternative is expensive. 

Consider: the average abortion costs $397. A vaginal delivery costs $5,992, while a c-section is $8,558.

Add to that the cost of rearing a child, which now runs anywhere from half-a-million to a million-and-a-half bucks before you can get them out of your hair.

Then, when they and a few of their friends go and hack someone up with a machete for no reason, we end up shelling out another $700,000 for room and board for forty years at your local penitentiary, or $1.2 million for the death penalty. 

OK, so.  That's $397 versus, best case scenario, $1,205,992 (plus damages).

But, like I said, there's currently no fool-proof Tebow Test, so if we don't want to abort them indiscriminately we're just going to end up spending the extra money for now.  That is, unless we opt for gay sex: a time-tested, 100% effective form of birth control.  Even better (and certainly a lot more fun) than an abortion. 

Fortunately for Tim, God seems to have chosen him to promote two worthy causes that are not in the least at odds: anti-abortion and pro-gay sex.  Because, like I said, without the Tebow ad, even though men have been using this form of birth control for ages, no one would ever have heard of Man Crunch.

God certainly does work in mysterious ways.