I have been wanting to get a bird bath all season, and had begun idly looking when Bruno, my neighbor in the Fenway Victory Gardens, called me over to discuss his.  Because the likelihood of theft is so high in the gardens, gardeners must either find a hidden spot in their plot, or booby-trap or otherwise secure their garden ornaments, which are more often than not cheap imitation or homemade versions of the real thing. 

Bruno's bird bath is (proudly) the latter...


Now, I have to say, this photo does not reflect well on Bruno, who actually has a very lovely, and very tidy garden, and is not only not white trash (he's a university professor), but not even white.  We love Bruno.  We lo-o-o-o-o-ove Bruno.  But, come on.  He wonders why birds aren't flocking to his... lasagna dish?  Maybe they think he's going to toss them in the oven?

I told Bruno I thought he might consider freshening up the water every once in a while, too.  Couldn't hurt.

But the best explanation for Bruno's barren bird bath came from a wise elder in the garden who said he had heard that birds like a 360° penthouse view when they're bathing.  It's not mere snobbery (the way he tells it, although I'm not sure snobbery doesn't play a role) — it's so that they can keep their predators in sight.  Nature is so tedious sometimes.  You can't even bathe in peace.  Even in the penthouse suite. 

Maybe it's karma.

But all this talk of bird baths — we even took a little tour of the neighborhood to see if we could find any bird baths in use and learn from them — gave me the fever.  Like I said, I had actually been idly looking for one all season, but this kicked it up a notch. 

I wrangled Sully into a Saturday morning excursion to the Home Depot, where, shockingly, they had no bird baths at all — none.  I asked an elderly attendant who said that sales had fallen off with the rise of Triple-E.

"Breeding grounds for mosquitoes!" he snapped.

Now, this is actually not the first time I've heard this, but the fact is that if properly tended — if the water is freshened every couple of days (or even just agitated) — it poses no risk whatsoever.  

We visited a couple other big boxes to no avail.  Sunday I got the bright idea to drop into Marshall's, and as hoped they had a cheap cast-iron birdbath — thirty-five bucks, can't beat that — that would be perfect for one spot I had in mind.  You don't want to spend much more, because you're going too end up spending about that much booby-trapping it.

So I installed it yesterday afternoon...

 
I was well-pleased.  It provides a lovely focal point for that part of the garden.  But anything that draws the eye will also draw the unwanted attention of thieves. 

There are actually some well-known, brazen thieves (and embezzlers) in the garden itself, two in the Boylston section who are widely rumored to have no qualms about jumping fellow-gardeners' fences to snatch plants and ornaments to add to their personal hoard.  It's a sickness.  We try not to enable them.

So of course the immediate next step is to lock it down.  I had a length of chain, but would need a long stake and a padlock.  I also wanted to mark the basin somewhere — discreetly but visibly — with permanent marker, so that should the all-too-thinkable happen, I might have a way to catch the thief.  (Of course, there would be an excuse — you will not meet a thief who is not also a liar.)

I went to one of the many local faux hardware store — places that stock mostly stuff for students for their off-campus starter apartments (I actually heard a young woman weeping on her cell to her "daddy", having a complete meltdown prompted by the overwhelming task of buying light bulbs on her own).  They have a few useful household items, but because the neighborhood is all brownstones and rowhouses, not much in the way of gardening supplies. 

They did have a resin bird bath I had had my eye on, though, and it was half-off.  And I had another spot crying out for one with a more substantial look to it, so I snapped it up, along with a padlock and the closest thing to a stake I could find.


This one is at least a little hidden, though only about three feet from the garden gate.  So I decided to wrap the chain conspicuously enough for anyone scoping out the goods to see it, around the base, with a padlock, and then I staked it (although the stake was only about six inches long and easy to pull out). 

As a temporary solution, I hoped it would do.  It's psychological warfare.  Although if someone wants something out of your garden badly enough, they'll find a way, or destroy a good portion of your garden trying.  Last year I left my bike chained to a tree in the back of my garden while I went off to enjoy the July 4th fireworks and returned to find it — and the tree it was attached to — gone, baby, gone.

So today the plan is to (a) drop into my garden to see if both bird baths are still there, and then to (b) cycle over to the Home Depot to get my booby-trap supplies.

And I certainly hope the birds appreciate the trouble.