Reality TV
The Cable Guy at Twilight (dramatic re-enactment).
Last night I had one of those cable guy porn scenarios we all dream of.
True story.
The cable guy came at around 5:30. It was sweltering hot. No AC in the apartment. He's been at it all day, and this is his last job. He's been installing units for coeds for the last eight hours, and he's tired but, I imagine, a little horned up.
Of course, for some reason my job is taking an extra long time. He's strips his work shirt off (he's got a wet tee-shirt on underneath), asks me for some water — I don't have any glasses yet, so he drinks it straight from the tap. That could be kinda hot — caveman-style.
We're chatting. I feel sorry for the guy — I'd offer him a shower to cool off...
...but he's absolutely repulsive.
And not just in a repulsive state. He's a big, heaping pudding of repulsiveness that's been sitting out in the smoldering heat and has gone sour.
Yeah. Bummer, huh? Nice enough bloke, but a real Quasimodo. Too much for this Esmeralda. And so-o-o-o stinky. He was there for, like, three hours (no joke) trying to get my wireless up and running, sweating all over everything. We got real familiar (I mean, you've got to be there with them the whole time), and at one point he was like, "hey, toss me my shirt." It was sopping with sweat.
I tried to spritz around some Marc Jacobs afterward, but it just smelled like Marc Jacobs' crotch after a long day in the ninety-degree heat and whore bath. I'm gonna have to call a proper fumigator.
Isn't it funny how everything can be so, so right, and yet so, so wrong?
I got all excited last year when "Angelo and Derrick" were coming to deliver the sofa in the middle of summer....they turned out to be older than my dad, so I know what you mean....
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This is strictly a gay male/straight female (usually cougar) fantasy. Once in a while you get a hot cable guy or plumber, but hot chicks never show up at your door to install your cable or snake your toilet. See straight guys. See how much more fun it is to be gay? You should try it sometime!
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make sure you check your beloved missed connections over the next days to (potentially) find out his side of the story!!
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Ooh! Yeah! I know just what it would say:
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You really need to update your porn. There is much more contemporary and pleasing imagery available, even for free on the internet thingy.
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You don't like my porn fantasy? Or Kellan Lutz? Or is it my Hooters guys? (Can't be my Hooters guys!)
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Your Hooters guys are just fine as far as they go. I will say that over the years of reading Mennonno Sapiens, the blog host has, infrequently but most welcome when it occurs, put out some pictures of himself in various poses and states of undress that, in my opinion, trump all the Hooters guys put together.
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You're gonna make me blush, Will! (And when was the last time that happened?)
(Love those sexy tats of yours, btw.)
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This post started out so promising, with the dramatic shirtless guy. I'm thinking none of the cable guys who visited me looked this good, it was the typical chubby guy with the butt crack shot. But your reality became mine so I know of what you speak. But it was a nice fantasy anyway. Enjoy your cable!
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