Some guys should never apologize.  They just make whatever it was they're supposedly apologizing for worse. 

Take Kanye West (please).  Last week he "apologized" again for upstaging Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards ten thousand years ago.  I mean, it was the MTV Video Music Awards, not the Grammys, bitch.  We've all moved on.

Not Kanye.

"How deep is the scar ... I bled hard ..." he tweeted last week. "Cancelled tour with the number one pop star in the world ... closed the doors of my clothing office." 



So now apparently he's trying to force a song he wrote on her, and hoping she'll do the hard work of reviving his career by recording it for him.  But, he tweets, "If she won't take it then I'll perform it for her." 

How is this making it better? 

Dude's totally twitter-stalking Taylor.  People who stalk you to apologize for accosting you?  How does this help?  How about instead of apologizing you work on your boundary issues, and we'll just call it even?

Creep.

Then there's Floyd Mayweather Junior's "apology" to dishy Filipino boxing champ (and Philippine Congressman) Manny Pacquiao, for a "faggot"-laced, racist, heightist, asian-cuisine-o-phobic rant he posted online the other day...

As soon as we come off vacation, we gonna cook that little yellow chump. We ain't worried about that. So they ain't gotta worry about me fighting the midget. Once I kick the midget ass, I don't want you all to jump on my dick. So you all better get on the bandwagon now. ... Once I stomp the midget, I'll make that motherfucker make me a sushi roll and cook me some rice. 

After which, "we're going to cook him with some cats and dogs," he added in an apparent culinary slur. 

After receiving a bit of blowback, Mayweather offered this touching mea culpa:

I want to apologize to everybody because everybody thought that it was a racist comment that I said. I don't have a racist bone in my body.I have nothing but love for everybody.

Some of my guys are Muslim, some of my guys are Jews. Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, whites . . .it doesn't matter. I got nothing but love in my heart. All I want to say is, if anybody was affected from what I said the other day, I apologize as a man. I was just having fun. I didn't really mean it.

And what does it mean to apologize "as a man"?  Is it to "apologize" without admitting any wrongdoing, because you "was just having fun" and "didn't really mean it"?  To apologize for other people misunderstanding you.  You're sorry — as a man — if they misunderstood you?  Which, obviously they did, because calling an Asian a "little yellow chump" and implying he eats dogs and cats isn't racist in the least. 

Which brings us to the original Manny culpa.

Manny's sorry for how he behaved toward the Sox a couple years back, and has decided to apologize like a "real man". 

When I went to first base and saw Youkilis, I said, 'Hey, what happened between you and me, I'm sorry. That's my fault.' So it takes a real man just to go and tell a person it was my fault. That's what I did.

Yeah, don't break your arm patting yourself on the back there or nobody'll want you, slugger.

Still, I'm glad he cleared that whole man thing up, because otherwise we might have thought this was just another instance of the famously fickle Manny being Manny, instead of Manny being Man-y.

All of which makes me wonder: how do the ladies do it?