I am often mistaken for people I am not. This used to get on my nerves a little, until I realized that generally people don't tell you they think you're someone else unless they want to sleep with whomever it is you aren't. Sure, sometimes you're mistaken for a level three sex offender, or something, and run out of town, but you can usually tell when people don't like whomever it is they've mistaken you for. The torches, pitchforks, and angry lynch mobs usually give them away.

Otherwise, "aren't you the guy who...?" is just another way to say I love you. And if you're like me — easily mistaken for someone else — why not use it to get the love you deserve? Even if it's originally not meant for you. And don't worry about being discovered. If someone is stupid enough to mistake you for someone you're obviously not, they can be fooled into thinking you are. If they're smart enough to know that you're too stupid to see that they just wanna get with you, then you're in good hands. Either way, no worries.

There’s a guy at the deli counter at my local family-owned grocery store – the kid’s not really my type – still, he's got a nice smile, and sometimes we say “hi,” even on the street. But yesterday, while making me a sandwich, he got up the nerve to strike up a little conversation.

"Hey, hombre," he said. "You play an instrument?"

Always be sort of coy when you answer this sort of question. This isn't like, "do you have a car?" or "have you got twenty bucks?" Depending on your tastes, those could be red flags. But in the case of "do you play an instrument?" what's the worst that could happen if you answer with a coy "maybe," or a tentative, "mmm, why?" The dude could ask you to join his mariachi band, right? That's the worst-case scenario. And then you can just say, "sorry, I only do klezmer.  It's in my contract."

In the case of the kid at the deli counter, he didn't seem like a musician himself — they're a type, you know — and it's a general rule that people who don't play musical instruments are overly impressed, often in awe of those who can. The same holds true of being mistaken for a doctor. Use it.

So when the kid asked, all excited, if I played an instrument, I coyly ventured: "Why do you ask?"

"Because I think I saw you at the Middle East last night, playing with your band."

Bingo!

What's better than being mistaken for someone who plays a musical instrument? Being mistaken for someone who plays a musical instrument in a band. One that gets gigs at a hot local nightspot, no less. (For the record, "I saw you guys play at my brother's wedding," or "my nephew's bar mitzvah" also works.)

Now, some of you might worry that to take it and run with it could lead to an uncomfortable situation somewhere on down the line. That inviting the kid back to your place after his shift's over could leave you dangerously exposed. And that it could lead to your not being able to get your favorite sandwich in the future. And that's true, but as long as you remember these simple pointers, you can have your sandwich, so to speak, and eat it, too:

• The devil's in the details. Keep it simple. The answer to "didn't you guys play at my nephew's bar mitzvah in Newark?" is not, "yeah — what's his name again?" It's: "well, we play a lot of bar mitzvahs. I'm usually too high to remember them all."

• Tell, don't show. When you get back to your place, don't get caught off-guard when he asks where your instrument is. Grab your crotch and say, "right here. Wanna play it?" If he persists, it's in your basement recording studio. If he asks to see it, tell him there's more to you than the music. If he keeps hammering on, take him downstairs and act all surprised that someone seems to have broken in and stolen your studio and all your instruments. You might at least get a sympathy fuck out of it.

 • Attitude is everything. Everyone knows that playing an instrument is only a teeny weeny part of being in a band. If he thinks you're a rock star, act like one in bed. You'll never have to pick up an instrument. Should this develop into something more than a hook-up (wouldn't recommend it — never date the deli boy) whenever he asks you to play something, be broody and tell him you're thinking of giving it all up and going to med school.